Don’t Worry about People from Your Past

Photo at http://flickr.com/photos/didbygraham/

“There comes a time in your life when you realize who will always matter, who does matter, and who never did.  So don’t worry about people from your past; there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.” –anonymous

When I first read the unattributed quote someone sent me, I almost choked.  It’s not that a “one time” arrives and you suddenly know and understand everything.  Instead, it’s a series of times in your life, and it’s all about perspective.  But it came at a wonderful time for me, a time when I do know who matters to me now and who no longer does.

I’d been dating off and on for almost four years. Some men seemed quite ideal for me but things happened that prevented a relationship from really gearing up. The promise was there but the Universe kept throwing things in the way.  Not that obstacles don’t exist in relationships—they certainly do—but bizarre events that kept us from getting past the third date, and often…from getting past even the first date.   Sometimes that was as simple as two hours of tornadoes zinging around over my office building, just long enough to prevent me from meeting a date for lunch.  Sometimes it was as harsh as an enjoyable man’s spoiled child throwing a tantrum because she didn’t like me and therefore Darling Daddy wasn’t allowed to date me.   More than once, men have stood me up for first dates, later claiming more dead grandmothers and car crashes than you can imagine.  Others got arrested for beating up other women in their lives.  One deployed to Afghanistan for the next 10 months and his training exercises prevented us from spending any time in the flesh before he flew away.

But there’s a reason none of those men made it to my future, and I worry about very few of them anymore.

When I read this quote, I was thinking of a guy I dated a couple of months ago.  He was a lot of fun, we had a reasonable amount of stuff in common, and we really enjoyed each other’s company.  There seemed to be more potential for a romantic relationship than I’d found in a long, long time. 

Him:  Hey there!  I, uh, wasn’t expecting to see you out here today.  How’ve ya been?

Me, smiling:  Great!   How ‘bout you?

Him:  Um, okay, I guess.  Yeah, I’m doing all right, I guess.  Look, um, I’m sorry I never called you back.

Me:  Don’t worry about it.

Him:  No, really.  I meant to call you back.  I had a great time that last night we were out.  All the times we were out, actually.

Me:  Yeah, so did I.

Him:  So maybe we could go out again? 

Me:  I don’t think so…. I’m sorry.

Him:  Why not?  You’re still mad that I didn’t call back, aren’t you?

Me:  I’m not mad at all.  In fact, I’m grateful.  If you’d called back the next day…or even the next week…I probably would have gone out with you again and who knows where that might have led?

Him:  Someplace good?

Me:  Doesn’t matter now.  Because you didn’t call back, I was in the right place and time to meet someone new who would be wonderful for me.  And I did.