Attracting Back Old Lovers: Why There’s No Way in Hell He’s Coming Back Right Now

Photo by Trinitas Imaging/ Oooodit; creative commons license. 

I know, I know.  You’ve searched out every obscure Law of Attraction text you can find, all in the hopes of discovering the secret to attracting back that guy you loved and lost.  And no matter how many vision boards you make, or candles you burn, or helium-filled balloons with your intentions attached by string  are released to the skies, nothing’s working. 

He’s not coming back.  Or at least, he’s not coming back right now.  That’s not to say that you won’t be together again in some kind of relationship—maybe even better than the last one—but right now, nothing is happening because you’re not aligned with one another.    To use that overused buzz word, your vibrations are not at the same level or frequency.   Or maybe a better term would be wattage.

Have you ever bought a lamp and as soon as you got home with it, you realized it required a certain kind of bulb.  Not only that, but there’s a sticker on the lamp that says, “Do not use bulbs over 25 watts.”   What happens if you screw in a 75-watt bulb?  It usually doesn’t fit, but you may have a fire hazard on your hands, too.   Or, if you’ve ever plugged in a hair dryer  and overloaded a circuit in the bathroom, you know that you suddenly have no electricity and a quick trip out to the fuze box.

 It’s the same with how people align to one another.  And when they’re aligned, they will naturally attract each other and fit together best.   In the case of attracting back long-lost lovers or attracting a specific person, one of the biggest mistakes I see is that people are not aligned and, even when they both really want it, they can’t seem to get together.   There are two reasons for this:

1.        The other person is a dimmer bulb.

For example, Sara and James met when they had just exited similar bad situations with their families.  She had voluntarily left an abusive situation; he’d been kicked out of an abusive situation.  They were both shattered at the time and took much solace in finding someone else who understood the  abuse they’d endured.  They were good for each other, and good together. 

Sara got into therapy and spent the next year letting go of the hurt and rebuilding her self-confidence.  James reconnected with his family and began spending time with them again.  Eventually, he stopped calling and Sara  didn’t see James again for the next year.

During their time apart, Sara longed to spend time with James again.  He’d been so tremendously special to her.  She tried to attract him back, every night sending out her secret hopes for him and loving him from a distance with all her heart.   Still, nothing. But she’d gotten her life together and  was very happy with her career, her home, and her new friends.  She dated, pleasantly enough, though she still had a special place in her heart for James.  In fact, almost everything she wanted seemed to come easily to her, with James being the sole exception. She lived her life at a very high spin, or vibration, or wattage.  She was…all shiny.

Meanwhile, James still thought often of Sara but he shoved those memories aside.  He’d gone back to his old ways, his patterns of being abused.  He’d let his family guilt-trip him into some criminal activity, and he’d been in jail several times.  He had problems holding a job, and had seen his car repossessed and his home foreclosed on. His credit rating was so bad that he could only rent and would probably never be able to own another house.  He was in a place of dark depression and had contemplated suicide more than once.  Life, to him, didn’t seem worth living.  He lived at a very low spin, or vibration, or wattage.  There was nothing bright in his life to connect with Sara’s shine.

2.        You are the dimmer bulb.

For example, Morgan met Harry through mutual friends who knew they shared an interest in gardening, and confided later to them that he was the best thing that had ever happened to her and by far the most attractive man who’d shown her any interest.   She met him at a time when her long history of terrible self-esteem had culminated in a substance abuse problem.   She had trouble making ends meet for her three children.  Her career was failing, and she thought that maybe if she found a man to marry her and take care of her and her kids, then she wouldn’t have to keep working in that hell-hole.  She was desperate for the security that (she thought) marriage offered.  She was at a very low spin, or vibration, or wattage.  Much of her life was heavy and dark, and she yearned so much for what was shiny that she was determined to cage it and keep it so it would never get away.

Harry was far from perfect, but the plight of young mothers in need had always held a soft spot in his heart, so he felt protective of Morgan and her family.  He wanted life to be good for her.  For him, he was at a comfortable place in his career, having traded money and prestige for a position that allowed him to spend time with friends and family and pursue self-improvement and an active church life.  He wasn’t a VIP in his community or workplace, but he definitely knew who he was, what he wanted, and how to live a fulfilling life.  He was at a high spin, or vibration, or wattage.

 After a handful of dates, Harry began to distance himself from Morgan, who began to try even harder to attract him back, particularly to attract him back as a husband—and answer to all her prayers.  She could have a happy life if only she had him!  As fond as he was of her, her clinging and manipulating grated on him.  Half the time they talked on the phone, she sounded more and more desperate, often dropping hints about what a good wife she’d make.  They no longer talked about gardening, or if they did, she quickly turned the subject to how much she needed a paternal role model for her kids and how helpful it would be if she were married to someone with good medical insurance.  She began calling him daily, and when he no longer answered every call, she casually dropped by his employer’s office to leave him homemade cookies…several times a week.   

 Bottom line,  she repelled him and kept him away with her low-spin neediness while he, at a higher spin, was very comfortable in his easygoing, freedom-of-movement daily life. 

In summary…

Two people at opposite spins will not be able to connect in a very satisfying way.  One must come up to the level of the other—which takes effort and sometimes dire circumstance to affect the change.  The one at the higher spin usually does not reduce spin to match the lower spin because the higher spin is a form of spiritual evolution. 

That’s not to say that two people who are both desperate, needy, and lost at a lower spin won’t align. That happens all the time.