Attract Him Back: Master the Law of Attraction to Bring Back Friends, Lovers, and Relationships from your Past

Attract Him Back: Master the Law of Attraction to Bring Back Friends, Lovers, and Relationships from your Past

by Lorna Tedder

Published by Spilled Candy Books

This book assumes a working knowledge of the Law of Attraction and helps you fine-tune that knowledge so you, too, can bring back that special someone.

Includes the following chapters:

The Draw of the Law of Attraction

Can You Attract Old Lovers Back into Your Life?

Attracting a Relationship with a Specific Person

Taking the Right Action to “Attract Back” Someone Special

The Real Secret to Manifesting Reunions with Old Lovers

Big Tip for Manifesting: Soon Is a Bad Word

The Scatter Effect of Attracting Back

Why There’s No Way in Hell He’s Coming Back Right Now

How to Tell Where the Other Person Is Vibrationally by Looking at Friends

How to Tell Where the Other Person Is Vibrationally by Looking at Situations

Can You Attract Back a Friend or Lover When You’re the One Who’s Changed?

“Plan Be” for Attracting Back a Love You Lost

The Abundance Mindset

“But He’s with Her….”

When-Bombs and How-Bombs Explode the Law of Attraction

When One Door Closes: Make Room for Something Better

Using Contrasts to Bring Back that Loving Feeling

Feeling Absolutely, Totally, and Completely Grateful

The Tipping Point

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$19.95 Retail Price

$ 9.95 Special Price on this website.

Download the pdf file now. Available soon for your kindle or iPhone.

See website at http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com/attract-him-back.html for this and similar books.

Full Moon September 2009 Ritual/Meditation

The September Full Moon in Pisces, aka the Corn Moon, occurs on September 4, 2009 at 11:03 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about letting your dream take you by the hand. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…instead of hoping someone or something will inspire your dream, YOU are the inspiration for your dream. More on that….

Extra Sensitive to Full Moon Eclipse Energy

Super sensitive. That’s what I am. I’m still trying to assimilate the weirdness (thus far) from yesterday’s eclipse, August 5, 2009. I had some strange physical effects, and it felt like the veil between the worlds was thinner than ever yesterday. In fact, I know it was, based on what happened late in the evening.

Physically, my senses were…MORE

Moon in Aquarius Rituals and Meditations: August 2009 Full Moon Eclipse

The August Full Moon in Aquarius, aka the Sturgeon Moon, occurs on August 5, 2009 at 7:55 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about dreaming your dreams a little differently. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…letting your dream take you by the hand. More on that….

Aquarius, an air sign, is generally about revolution, vision, individuality, humanitarianism. It’s ideas. This time it’s about allowing the idea of something beautiful to take form and offer you a hand, particularly at the time when you feel like you don’t need a hand but you can certainly enjoy it and accept it.

For some reason, this Full Moon in Aquarius with the Sun in bold, creative, and dramatic Leo is always…CLICK HERE TO READ MORE ABOUT THE ECLIPSE AND RITUAL

Are You the Strongest Person You Know? (and is that a good thing?)

Are you the strongest person you know? Maybe that’s not a good thing. Shifting from strength to confidence can be an eye-opening result of the Law of Attraction.

I don’t want to take anyone out of their Law of Attraction “vortex” with the earlier part of this article, but I read a news story today that really struck a deep chord with me. I don’t know these people and normally ignore all the bad news in the papers, but this one drew me in. I understand why now–this was a “whoa moment” for me and the answer to something I’d been trying to put my finger on.

The story in the papers is about a young mom whose two-month-old baby…MORE

Total Solar Eclipse: July 2009

Astrologically, this Total Solar Eclipse of July 21 (22, depending on where you are), 2009, will have a major effect on just about everyone. With the sun being eclipsed at the 29th degree of Cancer, it’ll have the most impact on those with Sun and Ascendant in that sign but everyone will feel it in the Cancerian area of home, intimate relationships, and emotions. The 29th degree is generally associated with culminations, spirituality, martyrdom, and dramatic rescues.

With it so close to … MORE

(NOTE:  We’re moving our blog to a new site, so please be patient and follow the links for more of the article.)

Stalking the Male Submissive: A Book Publisher’s Surprise

The Male Submissive has no problem purchasing a “submissive man” book for his domme or for seducing a dominant woman–as long as he can do it discreetly.

Here’s what happened.

July 2009 Eclipse: Saros 110, Details

The July 2009 Eclipse (7/7/09 full moon lunar eclipse) repeats the saros 110 pattern. For the related meditation/ritual, see Moon in Capricorn Rituals and Meditations: July 2009

For the rest of this article, go here.   We are transferring many of our articles to a new website, so please bear with us!

July 2009 Full Moon and Eclipse Ritual/Meditation

The July Full Moon in Capricorn, aka the Buck Moon and sometimes called the Thunder Moon, occurs on July 7, 2009 at 4:22 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about telling your story the way you want it to be, even if it’s not always the way it’s been. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…dreaming the dream a little differently for a stronger, sturdier result in the physical. More on that….

Capricorn, an earth sign, is generally about practicality, business, and manifestation. It’s solidity. It’s bringing the…MORE

Note:  We’re moving portions of this site to a new website, http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  We’re not quite finished, so bear with us!

Can’t Trust your Lover? Or Are You Looking for a Reason to Leave?

If you cant trust your lover, mate, or friend, maybe you’re looking for The Big Reason to leave a relationship you no longer want to be in.

I hear so many people talking about how they can’t trust their mates, and I wonder now if it’s a matter of trust that causes them to not want to be with that person any longer or if it’s not wanting to be with that person and not wanting to admit it is the cause for distrust. Follow me….

Crossing the bridge, on my way to run a quick errand, I remembered that I’d rushed out of the house and left three repairmen in my unlocked home.  READ MORE….

Can You Attract Back a Friend or Lover When You’re the One Who’s Changed?

Can’t attract back an old lover or friend using the Law of Attraction? Maybe it’s YOU who changed.

When you’re trying to attract an old friend or lover back into your life and seem to be getting nowhere, consider that the other person may remain the same-and that it’s YOU who’s changed.

In this day of revisiting our favorite childhood media entertainment via movie rental houses like Netflix, it’s easier to understand our own growth, even though it may be disconcerting.

For example, my daughters fondly remembered a certain movie from their childhood a dozen years before. They excitedly planned an evening for when we could watch a streaming download of their old favorite. The movie seemed to be only vaguely familiar-and downright stupid-to them. When it was over, they remembered the movie differently,  READ MORE

Element of Water: Emotional Problems?

Is the Element of Water a symbol of emotional problems or a lack of flow in your life?

What’s with all these water problems? I mean by that, problems I’m have with the water element.

For several months, I’ve had every imaginable water problem. That includes roof leaks, leaky toilets, ice dispensers overflowing out the door of the house, backyard flooding, sprinkler systems not sprinkling, wells not flowing, ad nauseum. Why all the water issues?

I’m drinking plenty of water and enjoying long, hot baths. No health issues related to water, at least. Like dehydration or incontinence. Thank goodness.

But the water element is also a symbol of emotions and their flow. Being a Pisces several times over, I do tend to live in my emotions. I no longer dam up anger, for example, but let it out.  READ MORE

Full Moon Rituals & Meditations – June 2009 Strawberry Moon

The June Full Moon in Sagittarius, aka the Strawberry Moon, occurs on June 7, 2009 at 1:12 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. Last month’s Full Moon was about speaking your truth. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…telling our story, the way we want it to be even if it’s not the way it is or has been. More on that….

Sagittarius, a fire sign, is generally about learning, travel, fellowship, freedom. It’s about being “in the moment.” With the Sun in the idea-fringed sign of ideas on the fringe—Gemini—this particular full moon in Sagittarius will be more about ideas, insights, and putting the pieces together than about emotion.  More….

Mythbusters: Divorce Fact or Fiction

Today is a milestone day for me. It’s a milestone because it was 5 years ago today that I sued my 20+year mate for divorce and started a new life. It’s a milestone because that was a time of great uncertainty and wondering where I’d be in 5 years and if I’d “make it.” I wasn’t running to anyone romantically-I was on my own and stood to lose everything, including my children and home, but I also stood to gain everything.

In the 5 years that have passed, I’ve busted a lot of myths. These were told to me by my ex, yes, as you might guess. But I also heard many of these from family who loved me and friends who supported me.

- A divorce won’t solve your misery: you can’t be happy.

- Expecting a man to be a romantic is unrealistic.

- I understand you better than…READ MORE

To Find Your “Vibration,” Just Look Around

One of the basic tenets of the Law of Attraction is that we attract to us that which is similar in “vibration.” The problem is, how do you figure out what your vibration is so you can clean it up and attract something better.

Actually, this is one of the easier Law of Attraction questions to answer. Remember the old saying about how to figure out what “George” is really like, just look at his friends? The reasoning is-and I’ve found this to be true-each friend has some quality that either reflects where George is or where he wants to be. If a cherished friend (or more than one, especially) tends to be a little rebellious and likes to discuss radical ideas, then George is probably a bit of a freethinker, too, and secretly-or not so secretly-enjoys challenging The System. If George’s friends are rather diverse and seem to be left of center in their personalities, then there’s probably a part of George that is that way, too, even if it’s not obvious from the start or he tries to hide it. That’s truly the Law of Attraction at work, gathering like together.

So to figure out where you’re vibrating right now, look at your closest friends and acquaintances. Look specifically at the people and relationships where you spend most of your time and effort. What are they like?

I can look historically at my friends from different eras of my life and see where I was-emotionally, spiritually, and “vibrationally”-at that instant. At one point, my friends were all very focused on career, including promotions, resumes, and whatever it took to get ahead in the workplace. The people of that group who are still in my life and just on the periphery now, now when I’m no longer on the fast track and don’t care to be. That was a miserable, unfulfilling time for me.

During another era, my friends were all focused on churning out book after book, pleasing editors who didn’t get our vision, pleasing readers who were skimpy on cash and fickle on subject matter, and constantly worrying about rejection, reviews, and plagiarism until they were also worried about ulcers. We fed off each other, all our insecurities, fears, and doubts. That’s what groups of writers do.

Another era of my life-and I admit that some of these eras overlap-my friends were mostly overly helpful, great at advice and guidance, over-protective, and fierce. So was I. That was the good part, though. When I started making changes in my life, the transition didn’t run smoothly because I was changing AWAY from the similarities I had with many of these dear people. They resisted my changes and the helpful advisor aspects turned very controlling. I insisted on my changes in my life and following my own guidance, which was much of what they were like also, just not in my situation where I was breaking free of old habits and relationships. I was mired for a while, but my friends of that era were entrenched as well in their own doubts, fears, and strong negativity.

In the current era of my life, to see where I’m vibrating, all I have to do is look at the people I focus on. There are more strong, independent, confident women in my life than ever before. My friends are mostly upbeat and happy, in spite of whatever disappointments or tragedies might come into their lives. They are mostly serene, even though there is occasional drama brought to their doorstep. They tend to be compassionate, self-sacrificing individuals (that’s somewhat of a problem), with a lot of openness, spirituality, and genuine love. Family and spiritual growth are priorities for them. They’ve almost all experienced abuse and some continue to experience abuse. They have overcome tragedies to become stronger individuals. They look for adventure and fun but without intentionally hurting anyone else. They worry a little about money, sometimes more than other times. They love Nature and want to live a “full life,” an uncommon life. They’re rather “different” in how they think, especially in terms of romantic relationships and partnerships. Some are a little OCD but they’re all very tender-hearted, even if you don’t see it at first. Most of them could never, if you really knew them, be considered either ordinary or traditional.

That’s my vibration right now. It’s as simple as taking a paragraph to describe what all my closest friends and relationships have in common.

May 2009’s Full Moon Rituals and Meditations for the Flower Moon

Special Post on the Full Moon  is sponsored by The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy, available at half-price to readers of The Spiritual Eclectic. Click here to download.

Check out 2 new sites we’re working on:  http://www.life-strategies-to-go.com and http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  And…don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for the latest updates.

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The May Full Moon, aka the Flower Moon, occurs in Scorpio on May 8, 2009 (May 9 elsewhere) at 11:01 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…speaking our truth and using that truth as a sword to separate ourselves from that which would hold us back.  More on that….

Scorpio, a water sign, is generally about intensity, sexuality, secrecy and truth,  healing, and regeneration. With the Sun in sensual and earthy Taurus, this particular full moon in Scorpio will have all that extra intensity that only comes from Scorpio.   This combination is squaring the conjunction of Jupiter (expansion), Neptune (idealism/spirituality), and Chiron (healing), with communications-oriented Mercury in retrograde and a romantic Venus/Mars conjunction.  It’s time to step forward and say what we meant to before but for whatever reason could not, to speak the truth of who we are and what we really want, and let the healing pour forth.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks and reached a place of happiness again.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site.

Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures, Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks, Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, Full-on Splashing in the River, Speeding around in Fun but Directionless Circles in my little boat, Picking up a Passenger or two as we zip forward, and then Deciding to Go Ashore.

Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation: In this meditation, I am well past that point of standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn. I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around. I have hopped into my little boat, the one without oars or a rudder. In spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me, even though I’m not steering. My motor has been running and I’ve been moving forward even though I don’t really know where I’m going, but along the way, I have picked up a passenger…a travelling companion for this journey.  I have leaned out the boat and linked arms to pull him into my craft with me, to this safer place I have to offer.  In fact, I’ve picked up a whole group of passengers (lovers, dream, wishes, and desires) and, rather than sink the boat with our extra weight, we’ve allowed our boat to run ashore and we’ve climbed out onto solid ground before a daunting but beautiful, deep forest.

We walk barefoot up the riverbank, its lush green grass cool under our toes as we make our way toward a deep green forest.  As we come closer, its tall tree blot out the sun and we stand in the shadow of something new, some place we have not been before.  We check our armor and find that we all still carry it.  But we also carry weapons as we stand at the mouth of this vast forest.  We reach into the bands around our waists or backs and pull forth swords.  Long, beautiful blades with ornately designed hilts.  Mine gleams, some sort of brass etched with swirling designs.

I hold out my sword in front of me and speak my truth, my own personal truth that I may have thought but have never committed to sound.  I speak several of them, including, “I am happy.”  It comes out in a whisper because not everything in my life is as I’d like for it to be to have my ultimate happiness.  There are loved ones missing and far and there are minor worries, too.  So I re-examined my whispered truth and see my blade begin to glisten against the shadows ahead.  I can’t honestly feel happy that there is any lack in my life and when people I love are hurting, I cannot not recognize their pain when I want them, too, to be happy and here with me, and me completely happy with my life.  So I restate a more indelible truth:  “I am happy with myself.”

My sword of truth becomes a giant key and as I turn it with my wrist, the forest begins to open, split down the middle like a curtain, and light pours out where the veil of darkness parts.

What is YOUR truth?  The thing you’re afraid to say because of what others might think?  Are you afraid to admit that you’re smart?  That you’re worthy?   Trying saying it aloud under this full moon in Scorpio and use it as your blade of truth to take you forward on your path and open new doorways for youself.

How to Kill a Relationship

There are times when you would never doubt your relationship with someone, yet it’s doubt that injures it …sometimes kills it.  Not your own doubt, but doubt that is induced by the other person.  Sometimes the relationship can be salvaged, and sometimes the doubt is too strong for too long.

I have seen this in myself at times, and often in others.  I have seen it deep and loving friendships,  in idealistic love affairs, and in business or work partnerships.  Whereas a friend, lover, or partner might never do anything to willfully break the trust in the relationship, they do…not with infidelity or cruelty but with their own insecurities and doubts.

I have been happily in relationships–both romantic and platonic–when the other person had a fit of insecurity or doubt.  It wasn’t, for example, that he (or she) didn’t believe in me, but rather didn’t believe in himself.  The response was a sudden pulling back or pushing away, even telling me to go away or that things would never work between us or enumerating all the reasons I shouldn’t care for this person.

For me, this was always a shock.  I’m a very compassionate person who bonds deeply with very few people but when I do, the bond is hard and fast.  Nothing else can shake my belief in the other person.  I will give back incredible loyalty and friendship and overlook flaws and be happy in whatever is there.  Even the standard ideas of infidelity will not shake me in my trust in someone else.

But introduce doubt?  His doubts?

I say “his” as if this were only romantic boy-girl relationships but for me,  it’s happened as often in deep friendships with both men and women.  My rock-solid faith in the relationship suddenly meets with his pushing me away and telling me all is for naught.  Typically, I go off (or am left) in shock to absorb this news and go off to lick my wounds.  But the doubt that I’ve just been stung with is like a venom that eats away at my trust.  The doubt festers in me where there was none before.

And what so often happens is that the other person, now having injected their doubt elsewhere, has a little time to think things over, work through it on their own, and realize that no, things really were pretty damned good and they return with the expectation that all is well.  But it’s not.

The bond of trust has been broken.  Sometimes that can be salvaged.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes the other person returns with daylight and an admittance he’s been a fool and there is still much to work through.  Sometimes the other person takes a while to work through his own issues and return, and that’s often worse because the venom has worked its way through my veins and killed what was once there.  I am too full of doubt…or perhaps I’ve taken an antidote that deadens the feelings and keeps me from being hurt again.  It closes up the old wounds.

And closes me up, too.

A Day to Remember…at the Perfect Home Office

***Pic: My home office’s annex. That’s my desk.***

A day to remember. Not for what I accomplished but for what I didn’t. It was my day off, my day to catch up on things around the house, including laundry and dishes and correspondence. I had a billion things on my to-do list and finished…two and a half.

The folks at work were, I’m sure, expecting me to finish some files over the weekend and on my time off, even though I worked a whole extra day last week and then took a sick day as a result of a marathon-briefing-induced neckache. In fact, I got a message Friday wanting to know if I’d finished a review yet that I have a whole 5 days allowed to do. I’m much faster than that but they wanted to know why it wasn’t done already in less than 2 days. Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to work too many miracles, and I’m thinking that Star Trek’s Scotty had the right idea about everything being impossible and finding the answer at the last possible minute…so that people appreciate what you do or can do and don’t always take for granted that you’ll save somebody’s ass and they can reneg on their own duties. The lack of appreciation irritated me, but the snarkiness combined with the expectation that I’d save the day (quietly, with no applause) put me over the edge, and I opted for a no-work weekend.

***Pic: the view from my “office” today while chatting with a friend.***

So instead of racking up a list of all the things I accomplished today, I did next to nothing. Just enjoyed the serenity of the day, the beauty of it, the peacefulness.

I knew I still had many things to finish, both in the house and online, but instead of hyperventilating over everything, I concentrated on enjoying the moments, the baby birds in the box over my head, the bluejay that kept picking up bread from the wonderful Gathering in my home last night, the flowers that reminded me of my quick trip to Georgia this weekend. What little work I did do, I did outdoors in the world’s most perfect office, the one on my patio.

***Pic: the more relaxed view from my “office”–yes, toes up!***

That’s what makes today memorable–not the X’ing things off my checklist of things to do, but just enjoying an ordinary day that was extraordinary in how serene it was.

April 2009’s Full Moon: Meditations and Rituals for the Pink Moon

This Special Post on the Full Moon  is sponsored by The Long-Awaited Honest-to-God Secret to Being Happy, available at half-price to readers of The Spiritual Eclectic. Click here to download.

Check out 2 new sites we’re working on:  http://www.life-strategies-to-go.com and http://www.spiritual-pagan-paranormal.com.  And…don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for the latest updates.

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The April Full Moon, aka the Pink Moon, occurs in Libra on April 9, 2009 at 9:55 AM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle. This Full Moon, I feel, is all about…moving into new territory with relationships and how we want things to look.  More on that in a moment.

Libra, an air sign, is generally balanced, romantic, charming, idealistic. This particular full moon will be rather intense, considering that Venus (love, money, creativity) is retrograde and squaring an obliterating-then-rebuilding Pluto.  For a lot of people,  this Libra full moon balancing a fiery, move-it-forward Aries sun will bring about an urgent desire to make something happen in a relationship, bringing old drama to a head in a perhaps less than ideal way.  (But it will clear the deck for something better.) Last month was so filled with turbulence but this month?  There’s a sense of the Tarot here, a Lovers’ card.   A chance to find some grounding and make choices about relationships and partnerships and whether to be with a particular person, and at the same time, an opportunity to have many different relationships or partners but still say to one special person, “I choose you, regardless of how many people I may love, and choose one does not lessen the love for anyone else.”  There’s an intimacy to it of two people, but at the same time, an openness of loving groups of people who are not family but we choose to make them family, regardless of social templates.  This isn’t so much about lovers but multiple loves and not so much about a choice but choices, and the tension of Venus squaring Pluto will force some kind of decision in how we handle those relationships.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works. I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you’re welcome to use what makes sense to you. For most of last year, I’ve been following this “story” of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases–everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail…all taking me “around the riverbend” to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. For those of you who know me personally, you’ve watched in amazement and then horror at how some of these influences have played out in my life and how I’ve been healing from some heartbreaks and reached a place of happiness again.

For links to previous meditations, just search the Astrology or Ritual category on this site.

Thus far, the past year’s meditations have included Bridges, Riverbanks/Structures, Surfing/Sailing, Parasailing, Becoming the River, Rocks, Rebuilding the Riverbanks, Covered in Healing Mud, Washing off the Mud and Dancing Naked in the Sunlight, Beginning to Play in the River Again, Full-on Splashing in the River, Speeding around in Fun but Directionless Circles in my little boat, and Picking up a Passenger or two as we zip forward.

Which brings us to this Full Moon’s meditation: In this meditation, I am well past that point of standing beside the river, licking my wounds after the bashing from last Autumn. I have been dipping my toes in the river, dancing tentatively in the sunlight, and splashing watch all around. I have hopped into my little boat, the one without oars or a rudder. In spite of all the hurt of this past year, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to get back on the river and see where it takes me, even though I’m not steering. My motor has been running and I’ve been moving forward even though I don’t really know where I’m going, but along the way, I have picked up a passenger…a travelling companion for this journey.  I have leaned out the boat and linked arms to pull him into my craft with me, to this safer place I have to offer.

But here is the new part of this progressive meditation: as I move forward down the river, swirling this way and that in the current and not steering at all, I realize that I’ve picked up not just one passenger, but several.  These are lovers and dreams, wishes and desires.  These are those who support me on this journey and those whom I support.  The boat is so heavy with passengers that the rim is only inches above the water, that deep emotional current I’ve been in for the past year.  The boat lurches forward and swerves and…runs ashore.

This is not a bad thing.  One more passenger, and we might have been gurgling to the bottom of the riverbed.  Instead, we simply express mild surprise that we have found ground, something solid after so much emotional wateriness and uncertainty.   We climb out of this boat, onto solid ground, this time lush and not muddy.  I’m barefoot and feel the cool moss-like grass under my soles.  We can decide to get back in our boat, leaving someone behind so that we stay afloat, and continue along the course of the river…or we can explore this adventure that’s presented itself to us.   Ahead of us, opposite the riverbank, is a deep forest, and this is our other choice.  It is vast and beckoning with mysteries in the shadows and enchantment in the light.

Watch for choices to be made in the next month.  You may feel both restless and relentless in reaching a decision but ultimately, it’s about how you want your relationships to look—a very Libra kind of quality!

Getting What You Want

Are you getting what you want? I am. Finally. And the change is most evident by looking around my home.

While working on a refurbishment project both inside and outside my house, I had begun to notice a pattern I’d somehow missed. It’s a pattern of doing without, of sacrificing, of settling for less than I want, of living with other people’s cast-offs. It’s obvious now only because I have gotten rid of so much accumulation over the years that I can now see what’s left, and it’s mostly the things I’ve felt I could not let leave my life.

I still have a few hand-me-down pieces of furniture when I’d really rather have a very different look and energy in Shannon’s old room now that she’s left home and something different for whenever she’s visiting. I’ve thought about it recently, about getting a double bed for that little room so that future couples vacationing at my home will have something more comfortable than a single bed. I’ve seen exactly the headboard I want. Then I thought, no, I could save a few hundred dollars by hanging onto the old stuff, even the uncomfortable old stuff. Just close the door and live with it. I could, as so many times in my life, just “make do.” Not what I want but there are a good dozen excuses why not, starting with the economy. The one reason why seemed to be that it was something that I wanted. I can afford it, I have room for it, I want it-but that’s not good enough. I don’t care if it’s the best or the priciest or the cutest little antique. The bottom line is whether my really wanting something is enough to have it.

And I’ve decided that it is.

The same has been true of replacing the long-gone hot tub. Too expensive. Too lavish. Too much upkeep. Too…whatever. Yet something I enjoyed immensely and have longed to have again. What’s stopping me? Me. It wasn’t something I reallyreallyreally needed, even though it would be wonderful for my knee injury or relaxing away stress. I settled for less than what I wanted.

And I’ve decided to change that, too.

All around my home, this change has been taking place over the past year. I am now beginning to have the gardens I’ve long wanted. My house is still freshly painted from last summer, with the floors in the foyer and kitchen re-done, new countertops, new curtains, and all the little idiosyncrasies that bring people to love my home. It’s full of candles, scents, sunshine, prisms dancing on the walls, lots of color and stone and wood and metal and fabric.

My home is an intricate reflection of my inner world, and even my gardens remind me that the reason I have 3 shades of azalea in one small bed is because I didn’t think I could afford the few bucks more to have what I really wanted. This isn’t a cry for rampant commercialism that I’m espousing: instead, it’s about being true to pursuing what I really desire instead of going nearly all the way to my goal and then settling at the last few steps of the mile. It’s about getting what I want. Both in and around my home-and in my life.

I have my sanctuary, I have upbeat new friends and an solid Circle, I have talented lovers and deep love and warm affection, I have AMAZING daughters, I have fun trips and interesting classes, I have students and clients who bless me by knowing them, I have creative projects and popular websites, I have emotional support and incredible relationships with loved ones near and far, I have books that delight me to write, I have a prosperous job that has better moments now than before, I have music in my home, I have flowers on my table, and I have a now-healthy body that serves me well and is served well.

I have more now of what I’ve always wanted, and none of it is almost there, second best, or making do. I’m not settling anymore. I’m finally getting what I want.

Minding Your Own Business: What I Learned from Hate-Filled Ex-Friends

Minding your own business seems like such a trite expression or even a cringe-worthy reprimand, but thanks to a few ex-friends, I’m in more of a live-and-let-live stance than I’ve ever been in before.  More than anything, their gleeful shunning reminded me of how much I’ve changed in how and even whether I judge other people.  (They’ve let me know they don’t read my work, so I’m not worried they’ll read me here–and frankly I don’t care.

A question has been going around various social networks, asking whether you would tell  a female friend if you saw her significant other out with someone else.  There was a time when my answer would have been a definitive “Yes, and I’ll help her move the body.”  Now, I can’t really say that.  I’ve learned that things aren’t always as they seem and that there are things that happen between other people that don’t involve me (aka, none of my business).   Sometimes men and women really are “just friends,” and sometimes it’s an open marriage and sometimes the friend I’m closer to is really the abuser and the other person is trying to plot an escape.  It’s seldom black and white.  So my answer is, “It depends.”  And it depends on many, many things whether I choose to become involved in someone else’s relationship or judge someone merely because of what a former friend or spouse says about them.  I’ve met plenty enough “crazy exes,” to realize that some truly are mentally ill (with the diagnosis to prove it) and others are simply quieter than their popular-with-the-people spouses.

When relationships break up, whether they’re romantic or sisterly or business partners, people often feel the need to side with one or the other when there’s really no need at all–and when neither party has asked for anyone to side with one or the other.  People used to tell me that my ex and I were the perfect couple, but all they saw was what passed between us at a dress-up party in public, and they had no idea that I was in misery or why.  I’ve looked at other marriages and been saddened to hear they were breaking up because they seemed to be such a perfect couple, but I long ago came to understand that things happen that no one else will ever know.  It’s not even a matter of his side, her side, and the truth…it’s not really a matter for anyone other than the two of them.   Maybe it’s some fundamental need to prepare for war and survival that makes friends of the two step in to take sides when they know only little pieces.

For the past couple of years, I’ve handled my judgment differently, most of the time.  If two people have separated or have problems and one has the need to tell me about it, I take with the proverbial grain of salt.  I can still be supportive but I don’t necessarily agree that the other person is crazy or even wrong…at least not until I’ve interacted with that person myself.  In some cases, I’ve had to agree that the other person is a lunatic and, at least once, that the other person was crazier and meaner than had been alleged.  But I can listen and nod and be supportive without walking away to go key that person’s car.

Two former friends of mine are trying to teach me a lesson these days.  They’re shunning me.  I didn’t even notice at first–they had to call my attention to it.  Why?  First all, they’re former friends because they chose to be.  They dropped our long-standing friendships overnight.  There was never an angry or upset word that passed between us.  Because I’m no longer in a relationship with someone they liked, they ditched me instantly.  They never asked me anything, I never told them anything, and they decided they could be friends with only one of us.

I’m annoyed but not really upset by it all, except when they freshly let me know once again that they’re not my friends anymore.  If I could get just beyond the annoyance, I could laugh at it but so they’re filled with hate about things they think I’ve done, that yes, it does bother me.  Part of me wants to defend myself and the other part doesn’t care.  There’s no point in defending myself anyway because they’re having too good a time believing what they want.  The truth of the breakup is far less lurid than they could possibly imagine and there are details of it that I won’t discuss with anyone that, if I did, would either be flatly not believed or would hurt other people.   Neither of them has the same relationship with this person that I did and from the contexts of their own relationships, they automatically assume that I must be the one who caused hurt when there was hurt on all sides and for reasons we’ve not told them.

They’ve taught me to be more careful before passing judgment on situations I know nothing about or have, at best, heard only one side of the story.  I’m grateful for that.  And I leave them to their determination to show me by their shunning just how bad a person I am.   Maybe I am a bad person by their standards because while they’ve been busy passing judgment on me, I realized that they’re not really worthy of my friendship and that I’ve really not missed anything since they’ve declared me unworthy to be their friend simply because I chose not to be someone else’s friend.

Finding My Vibrational Match: Increasing My Income

Find the right vibrational match and increase your income. It’s time to stop selling yourself short.

As part of my newest personal/spiritual development stretch, I’m raising my coaching rates and no longer discounting the prices on the books that I write. This is definitely a stretch for me.

For several years now, I’ve had clients and readers tell me, usually crying, how my assistance turned their lives around. Whether it was a one-on-one coaching session, steady reminders to stay on course toward their goals, or a short e-course or book on dealing with grief, I’ve helped to make a huge difference for some of the people I’ve worked with. I’ve modestly played it off in the past as how I’m just a conduit for the Divine to work through me. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m a conduit to be used up and melted down too ooze in the process. Not if I’m to continue to be a conduit and help people connect with their sacred path.

This is the part of me in which all those years of being told to be charitable, be selfless, to give-give-give is so ingrained. (Yeah, I’ve in the past been a vibrational match for a doormat.) I’m still wrapping my mind around how much my gifts are worth and railing against the decades of reminders that I should just open any vein should someone but ask. I did a reality check this week and compared my rates to others and yes, I’m in the middle of the range. I’m even a little higher priced now that so many others are lowering their rates to account for the economy.

There’s a part of me that says I need to lower rates to bring in more customers in order to see the same income levels. That means I’m working harder and harder…and I’m tired of worker harder for so many years. I want to work “easier” and be more appreciated. The people I generally sell to are highly spiritual–and broke. I’ve always gone in that direction, but I’ve decided to change it. Why? Because my own vibration has changed and so had my vibrational match.

To take better care of myself and bring myself more of what I do want–enjoying the work, freedom to be creative and mobile, the ability to share and be compensated for the energy I expend, the joy of sharing and teaching. I’m very good at what I do and there are plenty of other people who do the same type of work at lower prices. They’re still out there and clients and readers looking for a vibrational match will find them, I’m sure.

And they will (and are!) finding me at my higher rates. My business is actually trending up for my higher priced projects because I’m finding the right vibrational match in my clients and readers, and they willing and able to pay more for that particular match. It is–and there’s a huge lesson in this–the projects that were written with the greatest ease and the work that pays me the highest wage that is selling best for me.

What about all my readers and clients who can’t afford me? I’ve taken care of that in a different way, and there’s something for them as well. First, I have a small group of people I work with, my own spiritual circle, and I’m available to them in person once a month as a group and by email individually. I charge nothing and I enjoy the exchange of energy because to keep getting, they have to keep giving of themselves and working toward their sacred path. I also have several spiritual Initiates I work with on an as-needed basis. Some live nearby; some don’t. They also, in order to receive, must put themselves wholeheartedly into their life lessons and move forward. I enjoy both groups immensely and my need to volunteer and give is fulfilled.

But for others, those who want everything free or those who simply don’t have the money to afford some of my projects, I offer a different kind of vibrational match. I have several websites right now with tons of free material. I’m doing a bit of consolidation which will result in about 3000 free articles online. So even if someone can’t afford a $250 coaching session or a $50 course or a $20 ebook, that’s okay. They can find what they need, what they’re vibrationally matched to.

I won’t feel guilty over that–I’ll feel happy about that–while I’m being appreciated on a different frequency by those who can afford it.

Cancer Tests: LOOKING High and Low for the Wrong Thing

Do regular check-ups and medical tests do more harm than good?  Does focusing on curing certain diseases or making war on what we don’t want bring those things to our doorsteps?    I’ve seen it in my personal life often enough to know that it certainly can.

Though I’m feeling very confident right now about my medical tests on Tuesday, I’ve been bothered by a few things and I think it’s absolutely imperative I work these out in my head, not just for Tuesday’s tests but for  many areas of my life right now and in the future, medical and not.    I spent quite a bit of time today talking to some of the best Law of Attraction practitioners I know, and did ultimately get to the shift I was wanting.

What’s bothering me is that my doctor will likely want to see me more often, and as doctors do, she’ll be looking for what’s wrong. If she doesn’t find anything, she’ll look harder and more often.  Until she does.  I don’t like the idea of seeing a doctor for the routine purpose of looking for cancer or what might become cancer one day.  If you go looking for something on a regular basis, eventually you’ll find it.  And if you don’t find it, then you have exhaustive tests that will “hopefully” find something wrong?  Or does focusing on it make it so?

Our family used to be involved with the local Relay for Life events–now about 4 big events in this area, in different small towns within 20 miles of here.  We’ve lost some beloved coworkers to cancer in the past few years, with rumors that 30-something people who used to work in one particular physical area have died.  (I miscarried while I worked there briefly, as did several other women though none of us knew at the time–and there were frequent environmental checks done on the building.)  Because some of our favorite co-workers have passed in the last year and others fight every day, my organization is very focused on supporting Relay for Life and various cancer experiments.  One of the things you realize very quickly when you’re involved in Relay for Life is how many people you know who have cancer or have a loved one who has it.  They make you stand up if you do, and if you’ve lost a parent or child or a spouse,  and then if you’ve lost a sibling, and then if you’ve lost another relative, and finally if you just know someone who died from cancer.  It’s sobering, in a staggering way, to attend such a rally or event.  The stand-up test was given in detail at our last mandatory office function…which was a week before the tests that had my doctor looking extra hard.  At my job, it’s definitely cancer season …or rally season…which means lots of focus on fear.

One of the things at this last mandatory meeting and rally that bugged me was the attempt to get everyone to sign up for a cancer experiment.  They wanted us to take a few basic tests and agree to continuing the tests year after year to see how many of us get cancer over the next 20 years or so.  My answer was not  no, but hell no.  There was such a deep level of resistance to it for me.  Though they were calling it cancer prevention, it was all about how long and under what circumstances each of us would get cancer.    It had the feeling of bringing cancer to participants in what surely seemed like a  worthy experiment.

It’s important to me to have a doctor who’s onboard with the way I think and who’ll focus on finding good news instead of exhaustive searches for bad stuff.  I think I have that in my current doctor.  I know that many doctors have a certain perspective that, if they find themselves ill, destroys them.  I certainly saw this when I was dating The Treat.  He was a wonderful physician with a great sense of humor, but he once confessed to me that he looked first and foremost for the worst case when a patient arrived with particular symptoms.   Even though he seemed light in his personality, in his outlook, he was very heavy and expected the worst.  He also complained to me that he didn’t like treating people with simple colds or anxiety disorders–he wanted to find and cure the really bad stuff and relished it.  I can see now his mindset contributed to his own self-destruction.

When I was dating the Ten of Pents, another urgent care physician, he had a somber but kind bedside manner but was very light in his outlook.  He loved treating people with minor problems and giving them quick solutions.  Whereas The Treat used to tell me about taking off from work to attend his patients’ funerals, the Ten of Pents couldn’t dine out without interruption.  While out for an evening, we had both other diners and cell phone calls to tell him how he’d saved their lives and they were now X-free and happy.  Both were excellent doctors but with very different public personas and very different private outlooks.

My current doc is positive and upbeat and I love it when she asks at my annual checkups, “Did you have a good year?”  and her face lights up when I say, “Yes, I had a great year!”    I’ll spend a little time Tuesday telling her how I want her to work with me, and that as she’s conducting this particular test/exam, I want her to tell me what she sees that’s right, that’s excellent, that’s improved since my last visit.

That, I think, will be my way of balancing carefree routine visits without the constant gnawing focus on what dreaded thing might be wrong. I will be thankful for such thorough tests that can prove how well I’m doing and that I just get better and better.

The No Longer List

As my body tries to heal, I find that the usual drains on my energy are too much for me and I need to conserve and focus on myself.  Helping other people has been such a norm for so long that it’s hard to make the switch, but I am slashing through some of the many ties that pull on me.  That’s not in a mean or harsh way.  It’s a matter of recovering as quickly as possible. 

Every time I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been completely exhausted for the first few months, or at least until the pregnancy ended– whichever came first.  It’s an incredible  tired-ness.  I remember that when I was pregnant with Shannon and feeling guilty for my fatigue, someone in the medical field pointed out to me that even though I felt that I was doing NOTHING physically, my body was very active on the inside and the exertion level was the equivalent of climbing mountains, so don’t feel guilty for needing to rest and regain my energy

That’s a little of how I feel now as I try to overcome the taxation of different medical procedures and tests.  I need to re-focus and re-calibrate to keep my energy for myself.  To that end, I’ve started a list of where I “leak” energy (aka, be selfless, be a fixer, take on other people’s problems, or be over-protective) and have decided a few things I will no longer do.   For starters….

-       -    I will no longer stress over my day job.   Most of the stress introduced into my daily environment is ridiculous and petty and the result of typical reactive rather than pro-active measures. It’s almost never life-and-death for the soldiers. Someone else’s lack of planning tends to become my emergency.  Though I can handle much of this with ease, it sucks the life out of me.  I’m turning it back to the people who invented the stress instead of trying to transmute it into something shiny.  I’ve been pretty good at this for the past few months but every now and then, something major pops up that’s harder to ignore.

-         -  I will also no longer argue with people at work.  If my boss doesn’t want to let me work from home (telecommuting for compensation) while I’m out on sick leave, no problem.  The work will simply not be done.  If I explain to my customer that she’s pursuing an acquisition strategy that’s absolutely not going to get approved and she does it anyway, then I’m going to bust her at Clearance and she can start from scratch.  

-        –   I will no longer deny myself pleasure.  My lovers are the hottest men I’ve ever known and I’m having the best OMG sex of my life—and so are they.    So there.  I waited a long time for this and I deserve it.

-        –   I will no longer hound my younger daughter about her grades, homework, schedule, etc.  She’s making her own decisions  and she can live with the consequences.  She’s made good choices thus far about various potential vices but it’s the non-lethal things that stress me with her (in the absence of worse).  She’ll make her own choices regardless of how much I stress over her so I can recognize that and be here if she needs me but let her scrape her knees where necessary.  She’s almost an adult and needs to grow into some smart decisions—and that includes recognizing cause and effect.

-         -  I will no longer answer the call of anyone seeking help who isn’t willing to give something in exchange for my energy.  That means no more freebies.  Compensation doesn’t have to be monetary (not at all) but it does have to be balanced.

-         -  I will no longer expend energy protecting Justin.   There was a time when I was in a really great place and he was the one who needed emotional support and near-constant attention—and I had high energy levels to nurture him.  Right now, I have to nurture myself and I don’t have the energy to prop someone else up.   He’s a big boy, and having the courage to take responsibility and walk in truth is a spiritual growth experience that he has to accomplish for himself, no matter the cost.  Instead of me protecting him from harsh situations he’s fallen/jumped into, he has to learn to protect himself, quit sabotaging himself, and not put himself in situations that create pain and sacrifice.  We have way too much in common in that last regard.

-         -  I will no longer bother with “students” and circle-mates who aren’t serious and don’t put forth an adequate effort, no matter how much I like them personally.  Most of my students, both initiated and not, are making great strides on their spiritual journeys, even though they may not always realize it.  The ones who just want to play at it?  Not interested.  They can waste their own time, but not mine. 

-         -  I will no longer get pulled into OPD (Other People’s Drama).  Yeah, this one’s hard because I’ve tended to be too caring and want to help when I see people in trouble. For most of the past year and longer, I’ve been trying not to get involved and insisting that other people handle their own issues without involving me.  That works pretty well until I start being harassed or cornered, or drama queens mess with the people I love who are too stressed or weak to defend themselves.  (That’s my downfall.) Not anymore.  My patience is at an end.  I no longer have any compunction about legal recourse—or , if need be, black magick.  If I have to use energy to deal with OPD, it’ll be to slap someone down.

-        –   I will no longer worry over my mom and the decisions she makes.  If she wants to spend too much money on a shoddy painter or accept sub-par work from an electrician, it’s her money.   If she dismisses or takes a particular doctor’s advice, it’s her health.  She is mentally very capable and it’s her decision to make.  But if she asks my opinion, I’ll gladly give it.  Until then, I’ll remember that she’s an adult and able to choose for herself—and it’s okay if I disagree with her decisions just as it’s okay if she disagrees with mine.

Why I Can’t Support Some Support Groups

Support groups are supposed to help you out, right? Offer some help and emotional support from people who’ve “been there”? I’ve always been an advocate of them, particularly when they’re related to Scary Medical Stuff. I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m feeling a lot less stable tonight than before I joined. I don’t think I can afford to go back if they leave me feeling this way after one meeting. My experience this weekend certainly did more harm to my state of mind than good.

One of the women there was incredible. Greeted me as I walked in. Lots of hope and help and information. Incredibly upbeat. I should have left in the first 5 minutes. If I had, I would have been walking on sunshine for the next week. She was actually the most factual, too, sharing personal and medical information that I can use tomorrow morning. I’d had a similar situation online and this was the kind of support I was expecting.

It was the people descending on me afterward with opinions and judgments that threw me. It was funny to get the judgments from people in the same situation. It was as if somehow they were better than me or less deserving of their medical concerns because they’d been brought to it in a different way. I rolled my eyes at most of them, a little angry with their behavior and getting out of their path as soon as possible. I was, after all, the newbie to the group.

But the ones that had me so upset were the ones who fauned over me and seemed so supportive I think some really were trying to be supportive or what they thought was supportive. They weren’t, though. There was no encouragement or positivity at all–except they were positive that the worst was coming to me. One of them hounded me for 10 minutes about what I needed to do for imminent surgery. As it turned out, she’s not had to go that route–that’s the ironic part. Her idea of support is to prepare the newbie for the worst case. I could not get away from her fast enough. She just kept blurting out more. She took me to fears where my mind hadn’t gone.

I was in a fairly even place before I joined but I’d been upset, crying a little, and angry a little. When I left the support group, I was upset, crying, and angry A LOT.